darrylfeldman.com

This is where I rant and sometimes wonder at German life through the eyes of a Brit and ex-Londoner. I relocated to Berlin in September 2006 and now live in Prenzlauer Berg (former East) which is a radical shift from my previous life. I like to observe Berlin life and often find what I see amusing or just plain weird.

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One of the things that first grabbed my attention when I first visited Germany was the high profile of two characters that were unknown to me called Max and Moritz. There appearance is quite disturbing, punkish hair-do’s and rather evil little faces. On further investigation I found out that these two characters are are embedded into the German psyche and culture and seem to be some kind of dark symbol of the naughty potential of children and a moral tale of what happens to them (getting ground to bits and fed to ducks. Wilhelm Busch who wrote/illustrated the tales must have had a black humour indeed, the seven tricks that the boys play on unsuspecting victims are both entertaining and morbid. My favourite almost Kafkaesque one is the story where the evil duo plant a sack load of May beetles onto their uncles bed whilst he is sleeping. Recently I saw (with one of my daughters) a recreation of this story in real life at Ludwigsburg castle (photo above) - it scared the living daylights out of us. It made me think of how times change and what was deemed appropriate for a young audience in the mid 1800’s is certainly not now, I think my daughter and I will stick to Bob the builder…

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I saw this graffiti next to my local cashpoint and was curious. It (roughly) translates to
What is a picklock compared to a share?
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
I think this anti-capitalist view is typical of certain Berlin attitudes, and made me think as I drew out cash recently.

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No, this is not the latest in Berlin streetwear style, or a 70’s folk revivalist duo - meet the ‘Gesellen’ or Journeymen in English. These guys are normally found hitchhiking across the country, or asking for loose change…they are craftsmen who have finished their apprenticeships and are on a passage of rites to discover their inner self. The outfits are hilarious and remind me of Jethro Tull era folkies, couldn’t happen in England where of course they would be badly beaten and robbed for looking stupid.

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Sent from my iPhone - I’m probably mobile

This is a true Greta look.

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Well it had to happen I guess, and serves me right for my blog post Crime in Berlin (part 1)…I was burgled recently at home in Prenzlauer Berg. It happened at 2.00pm on a week day - they broke through our door (which we now have had strongly reinforced I add). They took some cameras, old mobile phones and my Nintendo DS Lite (****ers). I wonder who they were, neighbours? east european mafia? etc..well I doubt we will ever know as the chances of the Berlin police catching them is probably quite low. Berlin is a paradox, it definitely has a lower street and violent crime level (compared to London) and it feels very safe wandering the streets late at night, drunk etc. However, behind the scenes there is a lot of faceless crime that goes on which can catch you off guard as you chill in the Berlin slow pace of life and friendly ambiance.

Here is a German hip hop song about crime in Berlin:

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It always surprises me to see the sometimes overtly anti-US sentiment here in Berlin and this striking banner caught my eye hanging on the Volksbühne to promote an adaptation for stage of Eduard Limonov’s novel “Fuck off, America”. Coming from the UK where people actually aspire to the US it’s novel to see and hear people speak out against the US. Berlin as always has an underdogs view and seems to reject many US ideologies as simply the side effects of a bloated bully nation. Berlin proudly proclaims itself as ’sexy but poor’ (which I agree with), and is more likely to stick a finger up to, rather than hi-five our Amercian cousins.

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The bars in Berlin are world famous, and rightly so. There is a vast array to choose from ranging from traditional beer cellar type things with kitsch frilly bits to minimalist cool places, where electro music pumps away while people suck their cheeks in and try to look wasted. They come in all shapes and sizes and the really cool thing is that many stay open as long as they have paying customers to serve. There is one common thing though and that is that normally the level of service does not quite live up to expectations (although my expectations are falling into line with reality now)…there are exceptions but normally a trip to a bar or restaurant can lead to conflict with staff. It seems that even as a paying customer you are made to feel lucky to get noticed (let alone served) and that you are an inconvenience getting in the way of ‘work tasks’ as smoking cigarettes, chatting to mates or reading.

Often your orders arrive late, perhaps even the wrong items and sometimes poorly presented/prepared all delivered with a glum look. If you complain then either an argument will ensue, or they will silently plonk down what you actually ordered with no apology. On top of all this tips are expected and are given regardless of the actual service you received, which defeats the object. Going out in Berlin is great for many reasons, but sadly the service culture sucks and needs a new approach - ‘Star Employee of the Month’ or maybe ‘I’m lovin it’ t-shirts for staff could help move things forward But then again probably not.

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Funny, about 6 years ago I visited Berlin for the first time and complained about the situation with ‘coffee to go’. I found it annoying that I could not get a takeaway coffee at all…this was harsh for a Brit who happened to be spending a lot of time in US working the internet bubble. I was used to caffeine on the move and the constant opportunity to have tall warm milky ‘comfort’ drinks with even a cup holder so my hands would not get scolded. The reality in Berlin at that time was sipping overly frothy Latte Machiatos while sitting in a slow service cafe…no takeaway. I said to my wife that it would be a great idea to introduce a takeaway coffee (kind of like a less evil version of Starbucks) chain, and that somebody would and be successful. Forward-wind to now and we have Balzac dotted all over Germany and with a heavy presence in Berlin, Balzac is basically Starbucks with a more Euro friendly name. As you can probably tell I have mixed feelings…on one level it’s great to get coffee on the go here but also a bit sad to see German clone syndrome in action. Maybe they could have kept some German things in the translation of US coffee house formula, maybe the nice cakes and doughnuts you get here or coffee with a European in the best sense (more cafe Nero) London)…don’t throw the baby out with the bath water perhaps. Still Balzac has some good points, for one the service which for Berlin is a very good and even a smile. Now service in Berlin, well that’s another story…

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It’s impossible to find a good cuppa in Germany, my definition being standard strong tea bag variety as drunk by workers whilst they contemplate the arrival of a (much deserved) lunch break away from the strain of leaning on a shovel. Here when you order tea you normally get fruit or herbal tee (yeuchh!), when black tee is served it’s putrid and pale with far too much milk in. When German’s talk of tea from England they seem to think we have esoteric taste and are the ambassadors of all things tea, they are shocked when I show ignorance of the bizarre and complex mixes they have on offer here. They also don’t understand the desire to have a mug of strong, sweet PG tips…I get wierd looks at home from visitors as I covertly brew my PG Tips from consignments my mum sends over.

A ‘Tee Wunderland’ German tea producers offer just about every kind of fruit/herbal variant you could think of. I still have to get my tea imported though.

Well just as well I like coffee, that’s popular here too and the famous German ‘Latte Machiato’ is another story!

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I want to say something positive about living in Berlin (I like it here really). Here it is - there’s lot’s of space here. The ratio of physical space to human flesh is much, much higher than in other cities I have lived which results in a much calmer and more focused state of mind. This is a huge benefit and one well worth moving here for. London by contrast is hell hole with no space even to swing a mouse. I reckon that the space quota per human is at least double…maybe more. Walking around the city centre can be a real joy, all of the majesty of a capital city but with far less pain (there are tourists here but they are easier to avoid) also it’s possible to sit in a bar rather than stand uncomfortably for hours on end.

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Well I must say I have been wanting to write this post for a while. Ever since I started visiting Germany (last 8 years or so) I have been dismayed at the state of things here when it comes to queues. Being British it comes naturally, we are used to standing sheeplike in long queues in London for most things, one is patient when queuing and I usually manage to put myself into Zen-like self-induced trance as I ponder on things and wait to be served knowing there is a system and I will get there soon. In the UK people are usually polite and respect that there is an order to the queue often chatting amongst themselves or even allowing people to go first in cases with the elderly or children at hand. In Germany the opposite seems true. Firstly there is no queue just a bundle and scrum to get be the first to get served…people push, shove and blatantly step in front of you! If you do not concentrate and push in you find yourself in a position where you get nowhere, this is hard work for a brit. I have asked my wife about this phenomena and she says it’s normal behaviour for Germany but having lived in the UK herself for a while also gets annoyed by it. To be fair Germans behave better in public spaces than the brits (no fighting or mindless vandalism) but maybe should learn to love queuing a bit more!

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People in Berlin are generally very friendly when you meet them in bars etc., especially to me as I guess I am exotic being a foreigner and people like to practice their English. However I have noticed a certain abruptness when walking the streets and a general unwillingness to give way or let you pass if there is little space get by (this happens a lot when you have twins), also Berliners don’t seem to ever say ’sorry’ if they bump into you, serve you the wrong dish in a restaurant or do something that in most other European cities would be regarded as out of order. There is a certain arrogance at play which I find hard to accept as I have lived in London most my life (which should have an enormous attitude) and also for a short while in New York (which definitely was a little abrupt) and never encountered anything quite like it. As for the subject of queuing in Germany…well that’s another post to come!

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A few days ago I found out my Trek mountain bike had been stolen from the cellar in the apartment block where I live. The thing that surprises me most is that to access this cellar you need to be a resident with a key, so in classic crime parlance - it’s an inside job. Now coming from London I am used to crime and have had a lot of burglaries and stuff stolen but there was usually the strange reassurance that it was an outsider/intruder and not someone I might know normally as a respectable neighbour. This is strange to me, in addition in my apartment building we have had the tire valves from our kids buggy stolen at least 3 times…petit but annoying and the GPS system stolen from our car twice. I have to say though that generally Berlin seems safe in terms of street crime and is far less aggressive than London, you don’t see gangs hanging around L.A. style looking for easy pickings in terms of muggings. I think the crimes here are more under the surface and less visible.

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